The Funeral; The saddest thing I’ve ever endured. I cried the entire service, just like I expected I would. The minute they started bring Natanya’s casket down the isle, I started crying. Then Brittany did and I grabbed her hand while we cried. I think I stopped crying once through out the entire thing. I wish I could say the same for her mother, who you could hear sobbing from the front pew the whole service :\ Every time the priest said her name, I cried harder. I barely looked at anyone else, I kept my eyes ahead and wiped my tears with the tissues that Brittany brought. (<3). It really was just awful. I really wish I’d never have to go to a funeral again, ever. It honestly got so much worse whenever he started talking about how Natanya is with God, and how she’s okay and such. Which should have comforted me, right? It just made me cry more.
The funny part was communion though. Lexi didn’t know what do to, so she went up and got it, but when we sat down, she looked at me, and said, “..we’re supposed to eat this.. right?” That was when I stopped crying for a minute. She’s so funny.
When we had to give peace, I shook hands with the elderly lady in front of me, and khalee. When I went to shake hands with Brandon who was behind me, I was about to stick my hand out, when he reached across the bench and hugged me so tight. Then cory did. Then gregg did. It was so nice, and it made me feel a little comforted. <3
Amazing Grace was sung at the end, and boyyyy did I cry then too. Then we all filed out and I stayed outside for hugs. We were about to leave finally, and i got stuck behind a lot of people and I just started bawling my eyes out. To my surprise, I saw Nathan turn around (..also surprised he was there.) and all of a sudden he was hugging me. I just instantly broke down in his arms. We barely even talk anymore, rarely, really, and I just broke down because I felt safe. So safe. I didn’t let go for a while, and I just cried and cried..
When I got home, later last night, I tied my two roses into a cross with pink ducktape and pinned it to my wall. She’s really watching over everyone now. And late last night, in my.. slight drunkenness, I found myself talking to the cross, hoping she could hear me. I really hope she did. I just really, really, hope she is watching over us, and she can see everything we’ve done in her honour. and how much we miss her. Here I go, crying again. I think that’s a sign to end this post. I’ll say it again; It’s all for you, Natanya. Rest in Peace babe <33
